This morning's long run was a reframing run. Right now it's difficult for me. It wasn't that long ago that I would go for a 5-6 mile run on a Sunday morning. Running a 10k race was a comfortable challenge and I enjoyed it. This morning I had to literally talk myself into 3.5 miles.
First it was the "I know it's up hill, but it will be down hill when you turn around..." speech in my head. Then came the "This is the farthest you've run in a long time..." speech. On the way down the hill it was, "Hey, it's all down hill from here..." before the, "C'mon, just 5 more minutes..." and then the landmarks. There were times when my legs were heavy and I just didn't feel like it was in me. I began to ask myself: "Why?"
Why am I beating myself up for not being where I was before injuries? Why am I beating myself up for pushing myself on my runs but not on race courses? Why can't I just enjoy this like I used to?
The answer is simple: because I knew I could do better once and want to do better again. Like all things this takes time and I can be rather impatient with myself. I demand more of myself than perhaps others do in situations like this.
But I did it. I ran my 3.5 miles today. I've had better runs and I've had worse. I'll go out and do it again next Sunday as well... maybe on a race course, maybe not. We'll see. Right now, I'm reacquainting myself with running on a regular basis and that requires a lot of rethinking - reframing if you will - who I am and what I am capable of at this moment in time. Not what I could do years ago, but, rather, what I can do now.
So put me down for 3.5 thinking about it miles today. Soon it will be just another 3.5 mile run but for now, I'll think about it.
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