I don't know why, but I just can't walk when I'm listening to Green Day's song "Holiday." That drum beat starts and next thing I know, it's carrying me along with it's rhythm. Sometimes I think I should put it on an endless loop to see what happens.
Today was the first run I've done this week. I've been taking walks and relaxing because I've been scared of hurting myself. The stitches from them removing the mole and surrounding skin are right on my bra line - which is irritating in its own right - and I have been really panicked about the chafing of my running bra over the dressed wound.
I even bought a pair of 5 lb ankle weights to start building my quads and calves to better support my knee when I run and have been working with those a little this week. So it isn't a question of being a schlub - even though it felt that way - it was more of a question of fear. What am I really afraid of?
This morning I woke up to the reality of October and thought - dammit, I just need to get out there. I don't know how much of the last couple of weeks have been the reality that my confidence was shaken at that 10k and how much of it was that i'm overwhelmed with everything, but the reality is doing one 3 mile run a week just isn't enough - not when I was doing so well until a couple of weeks ago.
So I got out there and ran 3 miles in 43 minutes. Funny, there's a time when I would have been all "woo hoo!" about that, but now I'm feeling like it was slow. Yes, it was slow in a good way - easing back into things and all that - but there's that piece of me that wanted to go longer and faster. Especially with my recent motto of faster, leaner, stronger. Bottom line is not only did I do it, but my knee and the stitches were fine while I was out there - I guess compression can be a good thing.
I'm sure that after I have the stitches out on Friday I'll feel more confident. In the meantime, I need to set some goals for the week:
Today - 3 miles
Monday - 3 mile walk
Tuesday - 3 miles
Wednesday - 3 mile walk
Thursday - 5 miles
Friday - 5 walk
Saturday - 2 or 3 miles
Sunday - rest
It's a little ambitious but I really think I need to prove to myself I can do it, so I've set the bar a little high for this week. It's OK, I wouldn't set it there if I didn't know I could do it.
Time to put together a new playlist, probably with more Green Day and Weezer on there... that would be good.