Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Word of the Day

[BEGINNING OF WARNING] Today's post may sound a bit negative... but it really isn't. It was just the stuff running through my head on the treadmill today. [END OF WARNING]

Today's word is: undulate...

definition courtesy of

–verb (used without object)
1. to move with a sinuous or wavelike motion; display a smooth rising-and-falling or side-to-side alternation of movement: The flag undulates in the breeze.
2. to have a wavy form or surface; bend with successive curves in alternate directions.
3. (of a sound) to rise and fall in pitch: the wail of a siren undulating in the distance.
–verb (used with object)
4. to cause to move in waves.
5. to give a wavy form to.

Or, as I was thinking, "the mirror reflected my fat undulating on my hips, thighs and stomach as I ran 2 miles on the treadmill."

Again I ask: what sick bastard thought floor to ceiling mirrors were a good idea in a women's gym? What little self esteem I have at this point is seriously compromised watching the hypnotic ripple of my jiggling thighs as I shuffle along running a red queen's race - just the treadmill and me - from a multitude of angles: forward, both sides, diagonal angles and, thanks to the the mirrors on the back wall, behind.

Even with my glasses safely tucked away in my locker my nearsighted eyes can't escape the vision of my fat as it undulates. I am fascinated by its rippling motion as my inner loser takes delight in the scene.

"Here you thought you were so healthy. What was that mantra again? Faster, leaner, stronger? You can't take your eyes off the fat as it ripples at a 13 minute mile - is that the faster, leaner woman you see yourself as?"

The answer is yes, yes this is the stronger, leaner, faster woman I see in myself. You see, in spite of the morbid fascination with the mirrored reflection today, I am leaner than I was a year ago... or six months ago for that matter. I'm by no means where I'd like to be, but I am growing leaner.

I know I'm much faster than I was last spring when I might have been able to shuffle along at a 15 min/mile pace for a couple of minutes before slowing to a 3 mph walk. Now I regularly walk at my original running pace and I can run a respectable 12:30 range mile for 3 miles. It's not the 10 minute mile I'm working toward, but that will come as I continue training.

I'm most definately stronger as well. I can almost press my weight in a seated squat machine (which totally kicks ass in more ways than one), but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about today - in spite of the hypnotic site that beheld me, I kept going and didn't stop until I got my scheduled two miles in. It's that I even hopped on the treadmill in spite of leaving the Nike+ antenna on the desk this morning and knowing my run "didn't count" in terms of registering in challenges and goal totals. It's that after I ran the distance on the treadmill, I then went to the yoga class with the crazy twisty teacher... even though she had us working with straps today to "open the hips and sacrum."

I'm stronger because I could admit I needed to use the yoga brick in order to tuck one foot on my opposite hip and then balance enough to sweep down to the floor and then back up again. (OK, I swept down to the brick and back up again... but close enough.)

Once again the inner loser was held at bay - left to sulk in its corner with a lonely self-pity party. Me, I'd rather live my favorite Richard Scarry quote: "It was time to stop playing games. It was time to put on funny hats and eat ice cream."


Athena of Texas said...

What a wonderful post. Thanks for sharing it.

Creating my own undulating waves,

GB said...

Just keep kicking that inner loser to the curb and you will always come out on top!
You're a great writer, by the way.

Nini said...

Great post! I do find the mirrors in front of the TM to be kind of an odd concept... I've had similar moments of fascination, where I can here Dr. Hibbert saying "cancel my 2 o'clock" then I laugh... and heck, I've just finished another 2 minutes...

You are so much leaner, faster, stronger than a few month ago. I can't wait for Hyannis... we'll kick some mutual ass!

Jenn said...

I have been thinking about this way to much lately. I will feel better about myself until I see myself in a mirror. I clearly do not look how I want to look and the mirror brings me down. Every time, I have to pick myself back up and tell myself I will never look the way I want to if I don't keep up the diet & exercise.

You are doing great. We gotta keep at it!!!!

JOJIT said...

Thanks for that great post! Keep going!

Alredhead said...

Such a great post. Your thought, "the mirror reflected my fat undulating on my hips, thighs and stomach as I ran 2 miles on the treadmill" made me laugh out loud.

I'm with you. Watching myself in the mirror while doing anything is tough. I sometimes just have to close my eyes and picture what I'm working toward.

Not to jump on the bandwagon, but rather to give credit where credit is due, you really are doing well and you've earned a nice treat. *hands you a funny hat*

Anyone else want to join in on the festivities?